Love truly grows

Pag pinag-uusapan namin ni Kelvin yung about sa mga ex namin ngayon tinatawanan na lang namin. Unlike before na alam mong may inis sa aming dalawa pag yun na ang topic. Minsan ang ending pa nga eh nag-aaway kami. Nandun yung nilalait namin yung nga ex ng bawat isa, talo na naman ako jan kasi bilang pang naman ang kilala kong ex nya and wala din akong alam sakanila, konti lang. Pero sa akin na-kwento ko yata lahat, 7 din yun. Andun na yung minsan may pikunan and yes ako unang napipikon, maya maya naman maglalambing na yun at sasabihin “hindi naman mahalaga kung ano yung meron dati, anjan ka, ikaw yung mas mahalaga”. Eh sino ba namang babae ang hindi kikiligin sa mga ganung linya, though minsan naiisip ko at alam kong nasabi na rin nya yan sa iba.

Naalala ko nung nasa 2nd year pa lang kami ng relationship namin inaaway ko sya dahil lang sa pakikipag-communicate nya sa ex nya and yung pagiging malapit nya sa ibang babae. I know boys will always be boys pero when you’ve been through a lot of heartaches and inaaasahan mong hindi sya yung magbibigay sayo nun, I can’t afford another one because I had enough. Pero mali, kasi in every relationship hinding hidi mawawala yan. Until one day marerealize din nya na having an affair with other girls won't define you as a real man. Sya na din mismo yung lumalayo para hindi na din ako masaktan. He's the kind of guy who would think about his girl first before himself.

Sa loob ng 4 years namin di naman nawawala yun eh. What’s important is at the end of every problems, struggles we had in our relationship never naging choice ang pag-break up. Natutuwa ako kasi nag-ggrow kami sa relationship namin. And nakikilala namin ang isa’t isa ng mas malalim pa. Ang sabi naman nila diba “yung proseso ng pagkilala ng isang tao eh habang buhay”. May mga oras din na napag-uusapan yung future namin and we’re excited about it. Lalo na sya, I can see that he’s going to be a great dad someday. Alam ko nasabi ko na din to before na HINDI KO ALAM KUNG ANONG MANGYAYARI SAKEN PAG NAWALA SYA O MAG-BREAK KAMI. When you’re too attached to someone letting go is so hard. Let’s see 5-10 years from now kung ano na kaya ang magiging kwento naming dalawa. Pero one thing is for sure. I ONLY WANT HIM IN MY LIFE!

You know what’s missing? the SPARK. The compatibility. Nothing’s ever going to work out because he’s not your other half. There is always going to be that only person that will set things straight, and that someone that will make you fall deep.

US GIRLS

Siguro likas sa mga babae yung madaling magpatawad at yung hindi matiis yung taong mahal nya. Most of us girls are like this. Kahit na malaki kasalanan nila, we tend to forgive them so fast and forget those sh*t they did. Simply because we LOVE them.

Pero hindi rin naman lahat nakakalimutan eh. Sometimes, girls do forgive but they can't forget. Most especially those things that hurt them the most.

Girls are great pretenders. Minsan pinapakita lang nila na masaya at okay sila but behind the smiles in their faces are painful memories they find hard to forget. Aminin mo ganyan ka din, di ba? Mas maganda kasi na minsan wag na lang patulan at alalahanin yung mga masasakit na bagay na yun para hindi na rin maging worst yung situation.

Ako I admit ganyan ako lalo na sa boyfriend ko. Pilit ko man na magalit sakanya pero hindi rin naman nagtatagal. Makita ko lang yung mukha nya sabayan pa ng "SORRY" nya at lambing sakin, wala na. Talo na ako sakanya, tapos iha-hug ko na lang sya. Telling him "wag mo na uulitin ah". Tapos, tapos na ang lahat. Parang kanina lang, ganyan ginawa ko. That's all I can do, BECAUSE I LOVE HIM! Basta naman mahal natin eh. Lahat kailangan tanggap mo sakanya, kahit madami syang flaws.

Girls, di naman kailangan ganito tayo lagi eh. Hindi dapat maging dahilan to for the guys na maging kampante na mahal mo sya. Kasi minsan it leads to something na hindi mo ineexpect. Nagiging reason din kasi to para manloko sila. Alam nyo naman sa panahon ngayon. Bilang na lang ang mga lalaki ng loyal sa mga girlfriend nila, na kahit may asawa na nagloloko pa rin. Ingat lang tayo.

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MY MOODY SELF

Bakit kaya sa tuwing mag-oopen ako ng topic lalo na about sa mga past lovers namin I always end up getting super mega duper pissed? Ako naman yung nagsimula, nakaisip. Naiinis ako sakanila, sa mga ginawa nila. At hindi ko alam bakit ako nagkaka-ganito. Seriously. Naalala ko lang yung kakatapos ko lang basahin na FIFTH SHADES TRILOGY. Super parehas kami ni Anastasia Steele na ganito ang situation. Kami mauuna at magsisimula tapos maiinis lang din naman sa huli. FUCKED-UP MOOD LANG. As in sobrang maiinis kami sa mga nalalaman namin. Pero wala na rin naman magagawa eh, nakalipas na at nangyari na tong mga bagay bagay na to. Ganito lagi eksena namin ni kelvinth. But he always finds a way to make me smile again. Ayaw nun nakasimangot ako. He'll do everything even if he's been stupefied from what he's doing. Automatically, mag-smile na ako nun. Maglalambing na yan pero yung lambing nya may kasamang pangungulit na sobra sobra. BUT, yes there's a but. Ako na yata ang pinaka-weirdong girlfriend sa buong mundo. Kanina magkausap lang kami nun, kwentuhan,kulitan, asaran (PBB TEENS?!) Syempre ang pinaka-famous na topic of all is LOVELIFE. I think yun yung isang bagay na konti lang ang alam ko sakanya, pero when you'll ask him about mine alam nya lahat. Mula sa mga ex ko, dates and names nila. Ngayon naiinis na naman ako at may topak. Inaatake ng bipolar kong sakit, severe na yata? Joke. Actually kaya ko talaga naisipan yun na i-open ang topic nagi-guilty ako. Last night katext ko yung ex ko from italy. Nagbreak kasi sila ng girlfriend nya. Nagsabi lang sya ng problem nya at siguro wala lang din sya mapagsabi nito. Ako naman nagbigay lang ng advice sakanya para mas malinawan yung pag-iisip nya. Sya na yata ang pinaka-martyr na lalaki. Pero he's not like that before siguro mature na sya mag-isip kaso nakahanap sya ng karma nya. From what he did to me before. Those painful days, heartbreaks and all. Pero ganun siguro kung kailan handa ka na magbago tsaka naman dadating si KARMA. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sakanya, how and where will I start. Magagalit na naman kasi saken yun eh, tapos magseselos na naman sya dun. Paranoid na naman sya. Bakit daw nagpaparamdam ulit yun. Ano daw reason, porket ba magulo situation nya ganyan sya. Mga ganung bagay. Na akala nya baka maagaw ako sakanya. Natatakot sya na baka mawala ako. EH HINDI NAMAN AKO MAWAWALA. WALANG DAPAT BALIKAN. KUNG ASAN AKO AT KUNG ANONG MERON AKO MASAYA AKO AT DUN AKO MAG-STICK. PROMISE!
Back to my moody self, inaaway ko na naman si boyfriend ngayon. Tinarayan ko na naman sya before sya umuwi. Tapos ngayon di ko sya nirereplyan. Nagpapasalamat na lang din ako at super haba ng pasensya nya. Kahit na alam kong inis na yun. Ganyan nya ako ka-mahal eh he will do EVERYTHING kahit di sya ang may kasalanan. Bukas na lang kaya ako mag-sorry? Tinatamad na rin ako magtext eh. Di narin naman sya nagreply na. BAHALA NA! Malamang bukas nyan okay na kami. Ganyan lang routine namin eh basta may tampuhan. Di rin naman matatapos tong araw na to na di kami ayos. Kaso nga pala may naalala ako na bago naming pagaawayan bukas. Malaman natin yan at mapag-uusapan. Naguguluhan na din ako sa sarili ko, ewan! Gulo ng utak ko noh? Obviously! Pakiuntog nga oh, baka lumuwag lang ang turnilyo.

Now and Forever

I'm writing this because I need to and it just helps me deal with things better. Today was awful, I ALMOST lost the thing I love most in my life and it hurt so bad. I love you more than anything, I would take a bullet for you, I would do whatever it takes to make you happy. I've never felt this way for anyone...I mean it, normally i'm not the one trying to give reasons to not give up on my relationships. I easily accept when it's not going to work and I walk away with my dignity, but with you, I CAN'T.

I can't walk away and I can't pretend I don't care as much as I do and I can't just say "screw you" and let you leave, that would only be hurting myself more by pretending I don't need you in my life or i'm better off without you, because i'm not.

I was meant to meet you I was meant to be a bitch and make you work for it, we were meant to have every single quality on each other's check list and we were meant to be together.

Every couple has their problems, none are perfect and at some point or another you hit rock bottom & your relationship is really tested. This is just another test, it can't get any worse from here. I know I want to be with you & nothing can change my mind, not even you saying you don't want to be with me, because I hope in my heart that wasn't true.

I know I can be selfish sometimes, or moody, or too demanding of your time but please just bear with me, I don't mean to be, i'm still finding myself and learning things about myself I didn't even know. I've learned that I am jealous of other girls with you, not because I don't trust you , but because the thought of anyone making you happy that isn't me is just unbearable, i've learned i'm more demanding of time with you lately because i'm not confident enough right now in our relationship, I have this fear of losing you or you breaking up with me that I try to spend as much time with you as possible, to show you that I can be everything you need, make you happy and prove myself to you.

I just want you to want me, I want you to be scared of losing me, I want someone for once in my life to be afraid to lose me. I don't want to feel disposable to people. I believe we are perfect for each other, we have our issues but like I said today, we see what no one else does when it's just the two of us. we're magnetic, you can't deny our chemistry, we're both too stubborn too often & we fight for what we believe and love, and although these things cause problems they're also a huge reason why we fell in love with each other.WE are so alike and we when we love, we love hard. Don't give up on me, we're not supposed to have everything figured out right now, we're young.

But if there's one thing I believe with all my heart it's when you find someone you love, you don't give up on them even when you have a million reasons to, because we have a bond only we understand.

Our love may be difficult at times but there's not a day that goes by where I don't feel like this is worth it. No one can make me laugh like you do, you're the only one who knows how to make my bad days better with a simple kiss on the forehead. My heart races when you call me love and pick up the phone just to hear my voice. Our bodies fit perfectly when we cuddle and nothing in the world could make me believe that there is anything better than being with you.

I feel so blessed to have met you and I know we've both hurt each other (unintentionally) but I don't think that's a reason to quit. Things are going to get better because at the end of the day when two people are crazy for each other, nothing in the world will bring them apart. You're my Noah & i'm your Allie, we're just like them, we challenge each other, act like an old married couple, bicker, and get upset but we have a lot more times where we're laughing, holding each other, kissing, making plans for the summer, we mock each other, we shower together, we make love, we try to embarrass each other, and we sleep holding each other the whole night.

We've seen each other at our worst and our bests & that's a special connection we share because even at our worst, we still loved each other. If that's not meant to be then there's no hope for the rest of the couples out there.

I am sorry that I've cut back some of your time for yourself, that was not my intention, all I ever wanted was to make you happy & when you say your not it kills me, it makes me feel like a failure. Just please throw your doubts out the window, I know it's scary, and I know life's unpredictable but it's like you said "we're not temporary". My feelings for you are still there, they never left and they're still stronger than ever, i've never fought for anyone as hard as I fought for you today & I will keep fighting for us, just please fight for us too, don't make me go it alone. I need you, I'm your biggest fan & supporter and i'm your best friend.

This is my pledge to you: I will always have your back when life gets tough, or you have doubts or you feel down because something happened.  be the proud girlfriend. I will help motivate you with school when assignments and exams are kicking our asses, kiss you always until my lips are numb, I will be easier on you when things upset me & try to let the little things slide because in the end, they're just not worth it to me, I will be your best friend and someone you can share everything with, I will be the best secret keeper when you want to tell me things no one else even knows, I will be at birthdays, family gatherings (if invited), I will embrace any opportunities you have and be by your side when we both discover who we are in life and our biggest goals & passions, I will always encourage you to follow your dreams and believe in you and I will always be behind you in all your decisions. I will show you that love isn't always easy but it's worth it when you have a love like ours, and lastly I will be a complete goof ball with you and total ass, I will tickle you when you act grumpy, I will take care of you when your sick & dramatic and I will make the happiest memories I can with you.

I have such high hopes for us, I didn't think I would when I first met you but I adore your family your friends your life and you. I know the futures a scary thing and it's never a sure one , it always changes but my hopes are that we get back on track, love each other more with each day that passes, never let each other go again and ideally end up together because waking up to you everyday would be an honour, just being your girlfriend is a privilege and never taken for granted. I can't quite put my finger on when things started getting bad with us but all I know is what's happened is in the past and it's time to let go of the grudges, the hurt, the mistakes we've both made and start a clean slate together.

THERE ARE ONLY TWO TIMES I WANT TO BE WITH YOU: NOW AND FOREVER ♥

ANO KAYA AKO AFTER 10 YEARS?

Base on the course I’m taking right now. Maybe I’ll be a MANAGER, working on a 5 tsar hotel/cruise ship, head chef in a famous restaurant, etc. HRM is not an easy course kung tutuusin. You have to deal with different people with different perspectives in life. It might be a high rank official or just an ordinary human. Patience is a must in this kind of industry. Kailangan mong tiis lahat ng hirap na pagdadaanan mo to pursue and hopefully get what you dream of.

Madami akong plans for myself. Malaki ang expectations ng family ko sakin. Well, ako na lang kasi inaasahan nila para makaahon yung family ko, based on our situation right now. Some of my relatives are helping me. Im on my 3rd year in college. Madaming struggle and hindrance sa buhay pero kinakaya. Malimit nag da-DAYDREAM ako, minsan kasama ko naman boyfriend ko gawin yan. Working with our imaginations and looking for our future.

Hindi naman talaga HRM yung tipo kong course and up to now I’m still undecided kung ano ang gusto ko. I want to take up TOURISM, BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION, ARCHITECTURE and JOURNALISM. Pero no choice, eto ako bumagsak sa HRM, madami talaga akong gusto. After HRM gusto ko pa sana kumuha ng second course ko, kahit 2 years lang. (LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS) Business related or computer related course. Mga ganyan kasi ang in-demand sa panahon ngayon.

Pero AFTER 10 years, ano na kaya ako. Im turning 19 thyis coming April 28, so 39 years old na ko nyang mga panahon na yan. Naalala ko pa na gumawa din ako ng tulad nito during highschool days. Essay for English and Filipino. Nurse and Doctor pa ang gusto ko nun. Naalala ko naglagay din ako ng MODEL dun eh, and joining ANTM. Pero sa panaginip na lang yata lahat ng yun. Pero ang sarap isipin yung mga ganun. LIBRE lang naman ang mangarap eh. WALANG MASAMA.

AFTER 10 years

  * I’m successful with my career

  * I have my own House and Car.

  * Living a mid-wealthy life

  * I may be in Canada by that time

  * I have my own family. A husband and 3 kids.

  * Stable work

  * I’ve got everything I want to achieve and get as of this moment (mga luho ko sa katawan)

  * told myself to give my parents a house

  * helped my brother finish his college

  * Helped my Grandparents and continuously supporting them

  * I can do and get whatever I want

  * Buy things I want

  * Go anywhere I want

gusto ko mangyari lahat ng to. Kahit mahirap kakayanin ko basta for my family. And when it comes to my own family. I have planned it with my current boyfriend na. And I don’t want anybody else, ONLY HIM. Nakikita ko na kasi yung future ko sakanya eh. The future I want.Hindi mahirap gawin yang mga yan basta strive harder and harder each day. I know I can and I will. God will help me, and I believe im him.

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Sometimes what you learn from the pain is worth the suffering

Everything I’ve learned is worth suffering. After all what I have been through. Mga panahon na akala ko sya lang yung lalaki sa mundo. Ako yung tao na once committed sya lang, stick to one kumbaga. Mga panahon na baliw na baliw lang ako sakanya, dun sa first love ko. Oo masaya alalahanin yung mga panahon na yun pero masakit din. First heaetbreak cuts the deepest. Emo ako dati dahil jan naranasan kong

• pumasok sa school na umiiyak tapos namamaga yung mata

• gab-gabing umiiyak kasi naaalala mo sya

• pinipilit mong ngumiti pero pag naalala mo na naman sya malungkot na naman.

• umiyak sa harap ng pagkain

• magpatugtog nung mga theme song namin tapos iiyak na naman ako.

• yung feeling na parang walang katapusan yung sakit na nararamdaman ko

• kung feeling mo kulang ka

• na may nawalang isang malaking parte ng buhay mo

But after all the pain, heartaches, eto parin at muling nagmamahal. Aaminin ko maraming dumaan pero hindi worth it. Sinaktan din ako, but hindi ko hinayaan na maramdaman ko na naman yung ganung pakiramdam. I never let them hurt me, in that way I can move on easily. Iiyak ako, di dahil sa sobrang nasaktan pero dahil sa sobrang inis.

Marami akong natutunan

• ang maging matapang

• di na magpauto pa sa sinasabi ng mga lalaki

• kilalanin munang maigi ang isang tao

• wag mong ibibigay lahat, save something for yourself para pag nasaktan ka di ka yung tipong sirang sira

• i deserve someone better

• i wont let anyone hurt me as much as he hurt me.

Until I met this guy. Yung tipo ng lalaki na

• pinatawa ako kahit na umiiyak ako (yan yung panahon na nakipagbreak ako sa ex kong varsity)

• makita mo lang sya buo na araw mo

• taong ayaw ka nya makita na malungkot

• hahanapin ka pag wala ka sa tabi nya

• tatawagan ka tapos puro kalokohan lang naman paguusapan nyo

• binababa nya yung pride nya magkabati lang kami, kahit na ako yung may kasalanan

• tanggap ako with all my flaws.

• ipagtatanggol ako pag may nambastos or umaway saken

• papagalitan ako pag may ginawa akong mali, with matching SERMON na tatamaan ka talaga

• sasabihin sayo na “MAHAL NA MAHAL KA KITA” araw araw.

• hahawakan yung kamay mo kasi baka maagaw ka daw ng iba.

• who would kiss my forhead telling me i’ll be safe as long as his around.

• who would sitch his class kasi wala akong kasama

• yayakapin ako ng mahigpit kahit na isang araw lang kaming di nagkita, showing he missed me so much.

• pinipilosopo ka, tapos aasarin ka ng walang katapusan

• papaiyakin ka tapos papatawanin ka.

• unang lalaki na umiyak sa harapan ko na akala mo bata kapag nagaway kayo, kasi ayaw ka nya mawala

• yung lalaki na irerespeto ka pati yung magulang mo.

• ipaglalaban ka sa may mga ayaw sayo, kasi di naman nila ako talagang kilala

•anjan sa pag may problema ka, willing syang tumulong sayo

• at marami pa.

He showed me what TRUE LOVE means. Na may isang tao na makapagpapalimot dun sa taong sinaktan ka ng sobra. Na may isang tao na mas karapat-dapat sa pagmamahal ko. Ipaglalaban ko tong relationship na to. Gusto ko sya lang eh.

Sabi ko, worth it lahat ng sakit. Sabi ko, FINALLY. Sabi ko, eto na to. Sabi ko, wala ng atrasan GO NA. Sabi ko, di ko na sya papakawalan pa. Sabi ko, Lord thank you.

Pagkatapos ng lahat, masaya na ako ulit. Na pag nagkita kami nung taong sinaktan ako, na mas naging matapang ako. Na mas maging isang tao ako. Na mas nabuo yung pagkatao ko. Na hindi na magpapakabaliw sakanya dahil may bago na akong kinababaliwan. Na hindi na ulit magpapaloko sakanya sa ikatlong pagkakataon dahil isang malaking KATANGAHAN na yun. Na okay na ako, masaya na ako. Na thank you dahil kundi ka nawala hindi ko sya makikilala. Salamat first love. Isa ka na lang magandang alaala. Kung saan marami akong natutunan.

And hopefully we’ll live happily ever after.

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